doomscrolling on linkedin

dingdingdingdingding [[ten more minutes.]]

dingdingdingdingdingdingdingding [[ten more minutes. it's not like anyone's expecting you.->ten more minutes.]] [[fine.->get up]]

your laptop's right there. you [[fell asleep]] with it. [[get going]] [[ehhhhhh]]

late night activities: * applying for more jobs * working on side code projects that will surely make you look marketable to SOMEONE * making flyers for your freelance business * trying to figure out a couple more side hustles you know how it is.

you open your laptop. [[check email]] [[open linkedin]] [[check twitter]]

maybe you could get up first and like, get some coffee. put on some real clothes. splash some water on your face. do a sheet mask. you love sheet masks and thankfully you still have some from that 20-for-10 deal at the korean grocery so like, how's your depression doing today [[manageable!->self-care time]] [[hhhhhhhhhh->get going]]

**(34)** new messages [[clothing sale from that brand you like!!]] [[mailing list you didn't sign up for]] [[AO3: REDACTED posted a new chapter of FANFIC]] [[AO3: You've got kudos!]] [["web developer": Techify, Inc. - Web Developer - Remote and more]] [["engineer": RSCA Ltd. - Network Engineer and more]] [[Re: this is URGENT, Carly!]] [[40% off select yarns!]] [[Appointment reminder: Therapist Session at 3:00pm]] [[You're due for this week's GrubHub+ offers]] [[you know what there's 24 more but let's. be done->get going]]

[[Try premium for $0!]] [[Start a post, try writing with AI]] [[check jobs tab]] [[notifications (6)->notifications]] [[news->News]] [[check your feed]] [[close linkedin]]

## OH NO YOU DON'T! you put twitter.com in your blocked sites list. it's probably there for a reason. [[go back->get going]]

ok. bathroom, meds, water on face. there's like 8 more sheet masks still, nice your wife would suggest you brush your hair if she was awake. you brush your hair. select your outfit: [[cutesy programming joke sweatshirt, lounge shorts]] [[that one nice summery dress you like]] [[flannel, artisanal cardigan, mini skater skirt]]

If it was at any other time... you'd totally wear the limited-edition chambray color all the time... [[nope. get behind me satan. archive->check email]]

WIDGET launching on Kickstarter soon! Get yours today for a low limited-time price! When you find which Kickstarter sold their email list to marketers, they're the ones who'll be getting a zillion of these emails. [[unsubscribe, delete->check email]]

Carly, I've got sad news. We're not going to reach our fundraising goal by the end of the week. What can I say to get you to pledge $25 to save our country by tonight? ... ...thankfully this isn't tempting you to donate to the Democrats at all. [[delete.->check email]]

''Web Developer - Remote'' Techify, Inc. - United States (Remote) Actively Recruiting | Easy Apply nonspecific... might as well look. ''SEO Web Developer'' XYZ Search Consulants - Metro, YS (Hybrid) Actively Recruting | Easy Apply ah, SEO, the devil's own magic. what is //an// "SEO Developer" anyway. solid maybe ''Web Developer'' Dynamic Deliverables International - United States (Remote) Actively Recruiting for all you know it requires .NET and Java or something. might as well check ''.NET Web Developer'' Web Solutions Group - United States (Remote) 1 School Alum | Easy Apply oh finally one you can safely rule out. you know jack shit about .net [[archive->check email]]

''Senior Frontend (React) Software Engineer'' Zing Works - Metro, YS (Remote) Easy Apply fucking REACT ''Technical Support Engineer'' Spark - Metro, YS 1 connection mmm... they've all been saying they want 3-5 years experience but you might be able to fudge it ''Software Deployment Engineer'' Friend Computer Tech - Metro, YS (Hybrid) 19 School Alumni oh that looks g—wait that's like. evil surveillance state tech ''Senior Software Engineer, Frontend - Developer'' Newcoin - Metro, YS ``$175k-$206k`` / year 50 school alumni hey that salary—oh it's fucking. crypto [[archive->check email]]

G-D DAMMIT RIGHT AFTER MOTHS DESTROYED YOUR YARN STASH STAY STRONG STAY STRONG [[archive. sigh->check email]]

right shit is it already that day again [[pin to top of inbox, mark read->check email]]

yeah no not after you tallied up how much you spend on delivery in a month [[weh. delete->check email]]

it's still basically winter but it's not like you're going anywhere and the beautiful part about dresses is that you don't have to pick out other outfit pieces. cute. fun. puts you in mind of a less depressing time of year. [[let's go->get going]]

could a depressed person do //this// you even put on tights like you're going to bother to go outdoors. serious business. but you at least feel more like yourself so. [[time to get started->get going]]

you wonder if the person who got the line of these sweatshirts printed still has a job for a moment you look cute though. good purchase, past you. [[let's get to work.->get going]] in a manner of speaking, anyway.

this is all over the place. what even IS this [[click to learn more!]]

... ... > The tech industry is a nightmare right now. I feel like interest in my particular career niche is dwindling as solid front-end engineering gets replaced by backend devs using ChatGPT, and every company is shoving useless AI widgets in everything. I don't really feel like there's a place here for me anymore in something I've enjoyed doing since I was eight. [[rewrite with AI]] [[discard. who even posts on linkedin]]

* Premium found 240 jobs where you would be a good fit! Have you considered getting Premium, Carly? Have you? //''HAVE YOU?''// * A post by an employee at a company you followed casually while easy-applying for a job is popular: Today we celebrate International Women's Day and how important diversity is... * Someone you don't even remember meeting posted: Want to spend an evening learning about LLMs and checking out our new fancy office... * You appeared in ''10 searches'' last week. * That same AI shill commented on some stranger's post: Wow, impressive, especially considering the creative human who generated the song retains rights... * ''engineer:'' 30+ opportunities near you * A company that you probably applied to once: March 31st is Transgender Day of Visibility! Here at our company, our ERG and volunteers... okay that was all useless. [[whatever.->open linkedin]]

* Two huge companies may engage in business deal - 1h ago * Amazon pulls back on cash raises - 1h ago * Rising rents skip one place in g-dforsaken country - 1h ago * Fancy device gets even fancier - 1h ago * Bankman-Fried gets 25 years - 1h ago well ok there's at least //one// thing to get a little satisfaction out of. lol. lmao even [[back to work->open linkedin]]

ok not interested in your onboarding workflow how much does it even cost. it doesn't say anywhere [[just google "linkedin premium"]]

okay neat here's a website for it... ...where it tells you that you can start your FREE TRIAL and that [[ADDITIONAL TERMS MAY APPLY]]

ok surely this has got to have the price in it somewhere surely probably? [[fuck it you're sitesearching reddit]]

okay thank you reddit of course you would come through and it's FORTY FUCKING DOLLARS? motherfucker. it's not like you were going to do it but damn. [[well this was a waste of time->open linkedin]]

''Enhance your posts with AI'' Posts can receive up to 35% more distribution and 30% more engagement. A person you worked with once and millions of other members use Premium! //Try Premium for $0 // [[absolutely fucking not.->Start a post, try writing with AI]]

and like, do you need any more red flags on your profile right now? [[yeah nah.->open linkedin]]

you look up from your computer. fuck, you still haven't eaten breakfast yet. [[look out the window]]

* [["Why I left tech after 10 years"]] (Connection commented on this) * [[Assumption: Designers are a threat to researchers / New perspective: Designers are crucial research advocates]] (Connection loved this) * DID YOU KNOW? LinkedIn Premium members are 2.6x more likely to get hired on average! * [[Someone you don't know posted: Happy to share my new role!]] (Connection commented on this) * [["5 red flags to avoid at companies and 5 green flag questions to ask the hiring manager"]] (Suggested) * [["My prediction: AIs/LLMs aren't coming for your job in marketing"]] (Suggested) * [["My AI company is launching a platform to do marketing analysis for you"]] (Connection commented on this) * [[Chief of AI at Meta alleging that Meta has been at the "forefront of responsible AI for decades"]] (Connection finds this insightful) * Wouldn't you like to join LinkedIn Learning for classes like this video? Please? * [[CEO offering sympathy for job-seekers and linking to job listings on his non-linkedin job platform]] (Connection liked this) * [[CEO you went to college with and did freelance on how she leads more experienced people]] * [[Satellite imaging company posting photos of bridge accident]] (Connection liked this) * [[College classmate you barely remember asking people to take a survey on their security challenges in using AI]] * [[Stranger's effusive post lauding her company and its leadership]] (Connection liked this) * [[Company that you left on bad terms with posting cute articles]] * [[Marketing expert former coworker posting about more thoughtful marketing]] * [["You’re struggling to manage your deadlines in an AI career. What can you do to stay on top of things?"]] (Former boss liked this) * [[Former coworker announcing they're leaving software development after job-searching since last year]] (Connection supports this) [[ok time to stop doomscrolling.->open linkedin]]

* [[Full-Stack Engineer]] * [[Senior Web Developer, Laravel, Latin America]] * [[Solutions Engineer]] * [[Lead Web Developer]] * [[Frontend Developer]] * [[Software Developer]] * [[Senior Software Engineer]] * [[Full Stack Engineer]] * [[PHP Developer]] * [[Full Stack Engineer->FullStackEngineer2]] * [[Contract WooCommerce Position]] [[ugh. good enough->open linkedin]]

REDACTED posted a new chapter of FANFIC (9511 words): Chapter 2 (5643 words) by Your Friend Chapters: 2/2 Fandom: That Game Everyone's Into Right Now Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Those Guys Everyone Likes From That Game Everyone's Into Right Now Characters: Fandom Fave A, Fandom Fave B Additional Tags: [REDACTED] well you're glad all your friends are having fun. good job. maybe soon you'll have the energy to write again. [[archive->check email]]

Looks like someone read through half your catalog. Well, at least SOMEONE out there thinks you're doing good work. [[mark read. you keep all of these->check email]]

for once, the sky is a pale spring blue, dotted with clouds. the grass, below, is starting to green, even if the trees aren't leafing out yet. there's sun coming in through the window, spilling across the floor and onto the bed. [[rest your elbows on the sill]]

you watch the clouds roll by, lazily. you're lucky, you know. it could be so much worse. at least you have health insurance. at least you have family support. at least you have a good home that you're not going to lose. at least you're not alone. at least you can watch your cat steal your floor cushion, curling up in the morning sun. you thought you could do this forever. but you thought that about academics, too, and then you went to college. [[you need more coffee.]]

you might as well take a break to get some, at least. you might as well take a break. you can choose to do something different any time you want, so: [[why not now?]]

//The ideal candidate should possess strong technical skills, a deep understanding of software development life cycle methodologies, and a keen eye for detail.// yeah i guess that'll weed out all those applicants with shitty tech skills who don't understand software development [[sure, let's easy apply it.->check jobs tab]]

why is this even HERE [[nope. next->check jobs tab]]

oh you'd //love// to qualify for this one and the sweet sweet municipal pensions unfortunately you don't know .NET or Azure are you going to have to learn .NET [[mark as read. next->check jobs tab]]

promising... salary range is good... requirements are... close. you're starting to think you might not be able to fudge requirements and tell them you can learn on the job like you used to. [[might still be worth it. why not->check jobs tab]]

...software consultancy focused on emerging technology like AI and Blockchain— [[bye->check jobs tab]]

ah, the experience of reading a qualifications list for a job in the same field so far divorced from anything you do that it reads like a foreign language [[suppose not->check jobs tab]]

C++, Go, Node, TypeScript //and// Bash? [[for that salary, you wish, but no->check jobs tab]]

some kind of gaming thing... which would be kind of neat if you knew java and kotlin and didn't categorically hate swift [[alas.->check jobs tab]]

well I am really good at php— wait it needs 3 years experience in php but "advanced knowledge" of c# and asp.net mvc? what??? [[no. fuck you->check jobs tab]]

more AI. like healthcare has some valid applications but somehow you doubt any of them will be built with django. [[nope->check jobs tab]]

what i expected: "it sucks ass and the atmosphere is intolerable" what i got: "once you're over 35 you're considered over the hill and i was concerned about not getting work" wait. you just turned 35 last month [[add one more tally to the hell column->check your feed]]

do people actually think this? like designers do not get enough respect, categorically, but is this actually a thing or is this just an excuse to write an article [[it's a mystery.->check your feed]]

i love a functional website that mostly shows me the posts of strangers that people i vaguely know liked [[scrolling on past->check your feed]]

you know for once this isn't bad advice. it's just annoyingly worded in linkedin-speak. companies //should// show some commitment to you and invest in you and should have good answers to some of these questions [[good job random linkedin career guru->check your feed]]

sensible post because AIs really aren't that good and are definitely not up to skilled-human standard on the other hand. are companies going to try [[hm.->check your feed]]

ok yeah companies are definitely going to try and have them replace your job. [[why is this even on my feed->check your feed]]

has Meta ever been responsible about anything? you're starting to hate the guy who keeps putting this stuff on your feed. how do you even know him, anyway [[lmao.->check your feed]]

man. only real relatable post on this goddamn website. like, //is// there a place for you here, anymore? [[you think you know the answer.->check your feed]]

you know this seems a little cynical when it says right there that you're the CEO of a site that does job listings just saying [[lol. anyway->check your feed]]

what a problem to have. wild experience of life. what must it be like [[technically you're the ceo of this solo llc.->check your feed]]

this seems a little tasteless? like, people died? [[can't say you like that.->check your feed]]

shame your concerns about AI and security are not the same as anyone else's in this industry [[oh well->check your feed]]

you both wish you'd known earlier and also wish you didn't know that no company will ever love you back, no matter how much you try to make it happen [[at least someone out there's having a good time->check your feed]]

why do you still even follow them. `(`answer: you're not on this site enough to have remembered to unfollow them) [[unfollow.->check your feed]]

man if only more people listened to him about not just bombarding people with messaging and applying the one-size-fits-all new hotness you might actually click more of your emails. [[when you have income again, anyway->check your feed]]

nO ONE CARES HOW IS THIS DIFFERENT FROM HOW YOU MANAGE DEADLINES IN ANY CAREER? [[people actually answer those community questions? wild->check your feed]]

sends you to an off-site job platform that requires you to sign up for an account on //their// job platform and fill out your whole profile before you discover that apparently all jobs can only receive one applicant with a free account and if you want to apply to one of those jobs you need a paid account [[fuck you fuck you fuck you->check jobs tab]]

maybe you'll take a walk. maybe you'll write your novel. maybe you'll have a dance party. maybe you'll delete your linkedin. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OvtoY0lfYJ8">day's young. let's go.</a>